“Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda”

 It’s bad enough when I beat myself up for my shortcomings.  When someone else decides to beat me up, that’s another  issue.  The fact is that once something we’ve said or done is over, regardless of how we handled ourselves, it’s over. We can’t turn back the clock, redo one’s behavior,  or cover up a mistake. Certainly we can explain our behavior and apologize if  appropriate, learn from what happened and  move on. The problem is that  when we decide  to go forward, there is usually someone that wants to hold us back!  Isn’t that amazing!    

The key is  not allowing  anyone to trap you!  All of us have a right to our own choices, to do the best we can in a given situation, and to share our thoughts and feelings based on  our own experiences.  What’s the point when someone says, “If you woulda done it the way I suggested, you wouldn’t be in this mess.” Or, “You shoulda definitely…………” Or, “You coulda anticipated that was going to happen!” Really?  While, I’m open-minded when it comes to asking others for advice and ask for permission before giving my opinion,  the LAST thing you want to say to me is, “You should ….”  Who knows better than me what I SHOULD or should not do?

 We all have the  right to lead our lives in the way it serves us best.  Our choices are based on the information  on hand or through past experiences.   Respecting another person’s right to choose acknowledges not onlyour belief  in them, but also honors  their individuality. While I don’t celebrate my mistakes, I do know that I progress to the degree that I learn from them.  Sure,  there are times that I woulda done something differently, that I coulda been more considerate or that I shoulda known better.  All I’m asking is that  you let me find that out for myself.

       OK.  We are into the last month of the first quarter of 2010.  Where are you on the resolutions you established in January?  Are you on track?  Have you lost your resolve?  Do you even remember what you said you were going to do?  Are you holding yourself accountable?

       Experience has proven one of the best ways to stay focused is to engage an accountability partner.  By scheduling time (daily is best) to ‘report in’ you are more likely to make progress on your commitment(s).  My suggestion would be to alternate days.  One day you share your progress; the next day your partner shares with you.  You can determine the questions in advance and ask them of one another.  For example, “What did you do since you last shared that is helping you reach your goal?”  “What specific steps are you going to take before you report in again?”  “What gets in the way that keeps you from making progress?”  Anything you ask that encourages your partner and anything your partner asks of you can significantly impact your outcome.  By holding one another accountable, you increase your chances of success.

       I know when I’m ‘stuck’ and I ask someone to help me by listening to where I am and who gives me time to express myself, I begin to hear my own excuses!  Excuses don’t equate to progress.  Determination does!  I encourage you right now consider how your plans are unfolding and if what you want  to accomplish is not playing out favorably, ask for help and return the favor!  It’s better to pick someone who will hold you ‘feet to the fire’ and someone whose opinion you admire.  Asking a spouse or best friend will not work.  You’ll begin to defend yourself and that’s not what you want!   You want a non-judgmental listener -   an advocate – a cheerleader.  And, you want honesty. 

It is my hope, you are making progress.  Let me know how you’re doing!